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One of the most obvious signs of any teenager in trouble is a sudden drop in school performance. It’s especially alarming if the teen normally earns good grades, participates in extracurricular activities such as sports, and then suddenly loses interest in some or all of those activities.
It can be a sign of a more serious behavioral, psychological, or emotional problem as the teen starts to struggle. And the cause can be tricky to determine: For example, if your child has developed a learning disability, they may be frustrated and too self-conscious to tell anyone. If they’re depressed or being targeted by a bully, they may shut down without thinking to seek help from an adult.
A teen’s inclination to hide their problems at school may prevent you from discovering them right away, especially if you rely on report cards, which only come out periodically, to reveal these problems. For that reason, it’s important for you to monitor your teenager’s day-to-day school performance. For example:
- Ask them what they’re working on in school, offering to help with homework.
- If they play a sport, make sure they’re making it to practice and not lying about attending.
- If you start noticing a slippage in homework or test scores, talk with your teen’s teacher and to see if he or she has noticed anything amiss with the child’s performance, class participation, or behavior—the teacher is in a unique position to notice things you have no way of knowing, such as if your child has become disruptive or is being picked on by another student.
- When your child advances to a new grade, especially the milestones of junior high and high school, they may struggle with the more advanced material, as well as the social challenges of a new environment. Keep an eye out for learning disabilities like dyslexia. Visit the National Centers for Learning Disabilities website to learn more.
If your teen’s school performance is declining, don’t ignore the problem. It could be as simple as a mild learning disability, or it may be a sign of something more serious, like a mood disorder, substance abuse, or bullying.
Pay attention to the everyday moods and behaviors of your teenager, so that you’ll be better able to recognize the difference between the normal tumult of adolescence and a more severe problem requiring therapeutic intervention.
May 7th, 2012 by Nora Simonsen. Posted in Problems at School, Troubled Teen Behaviors, Troubled Teen Parenting Tips
Having a teen with a freshly minted driver’s license brings mixed emotions for many parents—pride at the youth’s burgeoning independence and intense anxiety over the safety. Statistically, teens are at a much higher risk for motor-vehicle accidents than older drivers.
One of the best ways to assuage your anxiety is to make sure your teen is driving the safest possible car. But what makes a car teen-safe?
For starters, consider how teen drivers are different and choose a car accordingly. For example, sport utility vehicles (SUVs) may seem like a comfortable choice for many parents. However, even with all-wheel-drive and good safety ratings for many models, SUVs are nonetheless a bad option for new drivers, because they are top-heavy and prone to rolling over in accidents. Someone who is inexperienced behind the wheel is more likely to commit the kinds of overcorrecting steering errors that lead to rollovers.
Teens are more likely to give in to the temptation to drive fast, so avoid cars with a reputation for speed-related performance, such as sports cars or any model with turbocharged engine.
Another safety factor is car size. In general, big cars are safer than small ones, but many midsize models have more than adequate safety features compared to some of their larger counterparts.
So rather than focusing solely on car size, choose a model with updated safety features, such as airbags, electronic stability control, anti-lock brakes, and other crash-safety features. A new car may be better than an old car, because older models may be outdated when it comes to safety, equipped with inadequate lap belts or running on worn parts.
Car model safety ratings change from year to year, so stay up to date on this information. Two useful resources for these ratings are the Insurance Institute for Highway Safety (IIHS) and the U.S. Government’s safercar.gov website.
How to Buy a Safe Car
When a teenager first begins to drive, parents want the safest car possible. Usually this means the exact car their child is dreading. Meeting in the middle can be difficult, but it is possible to buy a safe and stylish car.
Your teen may be getting a hand-me-down or you may decide to add them to your insurance on your existing car. In that case, you know exactly what you are getting and how safe it is. However, if you are planning to buy a car for your teen, especially a used car, consider these pointers:
- Make sure the car has working airbags. This is important for safety and it will also reduce your insurance rates.
- Go to an online car-rating site such as www.consumerReports.org.
- Check the horn, lights, heat, air-conditioning, seat belts, steering and seats of any car you are considering.
- Look for evidence that the car has been in an accident.
- Get a carfax report (www.carfax.com). It may cost a few dollars but it will tell you the accident history of the car.
- Have a mechanic look at the car.
- Check the Kelly Blue Book (www.kbb.com) or N.A.D.A. (www.nadaguides.com) for price information.
- Check on the insurance costs for a particular make and model before you buy.
U.S. News and World Report recently published a list of the safest and most popular cars with drivers under the age of 30. They based their findings on government crash-test scores, rollover resistance and the car’s size and weight. The top five for safety and style were: Mini Cooper, Toyota Tacoma, Toyota Corolla, Dodge Charger and Chrysler 300 Sedan. To see the complete list go to http://www.usnews.com/articles/business/car-reviews/2008/01/28/best-cars-for-your-kids-to-drive.html.
Sources
www.teendriving.com
www.usnews.com
May 7th, 2012 by Nora Simonsen. Posted in Teen Driving, Troubled Teen Parenting Tips
Learning to drive is an exciting experience for teenagers and sometimes a terrifying one for parents. But it doesn’t have to be that way. Some of the major contributors to high car crash rates among young drivers are driving inexperience, lack of adequate driving skills and poor driving judgment.
Parents have the ability to influence all of these when they take to the road with their teen to teach them to drive safely. Also, whether you know it or not, you have been teaching your child to drive by example for many years. Setting a good example by following traffic laws and making good decisions when you drive with your teen in the car can go a long way.
Who should do the teaching?
The best way for teens to learn to drive is probably through a driver’s education class. The classes are usually available through your child’s high school, and completion of the course often results in lower auto insurance costs.
Parents often choose to teach their child to drive. However not all parents have the ability to be a driving teacher. They may be great drivers themselves, but when their teen gets behind the wheel they become upset or overly nervous. Sometimes other family members or friends end up being the best fit instead. Make sure that whoever is doing the teaching has a copy of the new driver’s booklet offered by the Department of Motor Vehicles in each state.
A combination of driver’s education and parent guidance is probably the best bet for creating a well-rounded driver. Remember just because your child has passed a driver’s education course and obtained their license, doesn’t mean they are ready for the road on their own. A probation period of practicing with parents is always a good idea.
Quite a few states have Graduated Driver Licensing (GDL) with restrictions on new drivers. The American Automobile Association (AAA) recommends that teens earn their learning permit at age 16, a probationary license after six months and an unrestricted license at age 18. Even though this three-stage process is not the law in every state, parents should consider implementing a similar program with their teen.
Rules and Restrictions
Once your teen has that license in hand and is ready to begin driving independently, there are still some rules to consider putting in place to increase their safety.
- A strict seatbelt rule for everyone in the vehicle.
- Limit driving in difficult weather and at night.
- Strictly prohibit driving under the influence.
- Consider limiting driving to certain situations (to and from school for example).
- Consider prohibiting passengers at first.
- Caution your teen against driving while tired or upset.
- No headphones, cell phone or texting while driving.
- Always know where they are going and how long they will be gone.
- Consider requiring your teen to take ongoing defensive driving courses.
So, how will you enforce these rules and what are the consequences if they are broken? Does not following one of these rules once mean a loss of driving privileges? Some parents prefer having a written contract to spell out the rules and consequences. A driving contract that is signed by parent and teen is one way to make expectations clear.
Helpful Resources
Your insurance agent can be a helpful resource. Many companies have videos and safe driving materials for new drivers. They can also help with getting “good student” and “safe driving” discounts.
The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration offers information for teen drivers and parents at www.nhtsa.gov.
For new driver information see this link to official state driving sites in the U.S. and Canada:
www.drivers.com/article/639/
Sources
www.aacap.org
http://parentingteens.about.com
www.teendriving.com
May 7th, 2012 by Nora Simonsen. Posted in Teen Driving, Troubled Teen Parenting Tips
When the time comes for teaching a teen to drive, some parents choose a driving school or other professional training. However, if you have the confidence to take this task on yourself, it could be a rewarding experience, because your youth may feel more comfortable with you than with someone they don’t know. Plus, with you, your teen is likely to get more practice time behind the wheel.
Before starting, make a few preparations to ensure the smoothest lesson possible:
- Have your teen read your state’s driving manual to become familiar with the rules of the road. Most states require a learner’s permit before any in-car lessons can take place, so don’t let your child operate the car until they obtain this permit.
- Make sure all the car’s parts are in working order, including signals, lights, dashboard controls, and brakes.
- Conduct your first few lessons on a dry, sunny day, if possible, and save nighttime driving for more advanced sessions.
- Choose the route and location in advance. Tell your teen where you’ll be going and what they’ll be learning.
- Set a good example—if you follow safe and courteous driving practices, your teen is more likely to do so.
Before pulling out of the driveway..
Before you get moving, it’s important for the new driver to know how each of the car’s controls work. Start by starting and stopping the engine. Then run through each of the controls: Turning the headlights and parking lights on and off, controlling the windshield wipers, knowing what side the gas tank is on.
Move to the outside of the car to show how to put air in the tires, check the oil, and change a flat tire. Talk about what to do in case of an accident, such as putting flares out and knowing where to find the roadside assistance number.
Go slow at first.
Your teen will feel more comfortable driving slowly at first. Start by driving the car yourself to an empty parking lot or other traffic-free spot, and then let your teen drive around to get used to how the car feels without the pressure of other drivers around. If your car has a manual transmission, try to find an upward incline so the new driver can practice starting and stopping while the car is pointed uphill. Once your teen is confident in this setting, move to a neighborhood street where there aren’t a lot of cars. Eventually, your child will be ready to drive on busier streets.
Be patient. During your lessons, your teen may be a little nervous, so maintain a cool head and don’t criticize their driving. Think of yourself as a coach, and give specifics when instructing the driver, such as “Use your left-turn signal here,” rather than “Pay attention.”
Be their eyes and ears (at first). As an experienced driver, you are used to being aware of your surroundings, but your teen is still developing this sense. Help prevent problems by being aware of what’s going on at all times, on all sides of the car. Keep the radio off and avoid eating, talking on a cell phone or anything else that can distract you or the driver.
Stay within reasonable limits. Even the most confident new driver should be brought along slowly, mastering a few skills at a time before moving on to more advanced situations. Avoid putting your teen in a situation they can’t handle. For example, before making a left turn at a busy intersection, practice this scenario in an empty parking lot so the driver can learn to put on the turn signal, check all mirrors, and look for oncoming traffic.
Basic skills to teach
Once your teen is comfortable with the basics of the car at rest, start with a few simple skills, such as making turns, using the turn signal, accelerating, backing the car up safely, and braking smoothly. If your car is stick shift, practice using the clutch and changing gears.
Once your teen is fully comfortable with those skills, move on to driving in traffic. Start in a quiet neighborhood and work up to busier streets. Make sure the driver is aware of pedestrians, fellow drivers, stop signs, and other routine aspects of the driving environment. Practice changing lane and maintaining a safe distance from other cars. Ask what the speed limit is at various times and make sure your car is within that limit.
Parking is another skill to practice once your teenager is ready. This includes getting in and out of parking spaces, and parallel parking, which can be practiced on any neighborhood street. Next, try parking on a hill, facing both upward and downward.
Advanced skills
With the basics down, your teen will be ready for some more advanced challenges. Be sure they are fully in control behind the wheel before trying these next skills, because there will be more potential risks involved.
Start with some freeway driving, which includes merging, changing lanes, and knowing the safe distance from other vehicles.
At this stage, you can also start practicing nighttime driving, which will give your teen the opportunity to use the lights and get used to reading road signs in the dark.
Finally, if you have the opportunity to drive in slippery road conditions, such as in the rain or on ice and snow, do so, but proceed with caution. Even experienced drivers should go slowly and drive very defensively in such situations, so take extra care with your teen.
Help for parents
Check with your local division of motor vehicles to see if they have resources for parents teaching new drivers. AAA offers a 13-part, step-by-step instructional program for parents that covers everything a new driver should know, including different road conditions, night driving, and risk reduction.
May 7th, 2012 by Nora Simonsen. Posted in Teen Driving, Troubled Teen Parenting Tips
The explosive growth of the Internet has provided many advantages to teens today that were not available to previous generations. For example, social networking sites like Facebook are a great means of self-expression and friendship-building, particularly for shy or introverted kids. Young people from all over the world can connect and learn about each other’s cultures without leaving their community. And the Internet is a valuable research tool for students. Parents can benefit too: cell phones and text messages are both very useful for keeping in touch with their kids on the fly.
While the benefits of these technologies generally outweigh the risks, it’s essential that you know the pitfalls and dangers of the Internet and take steps to keep your teenager safe online. It’s not hard; just keep these tips in mind:
- Caution your teens to avoid giving out too much information online about themselves to strangers, even legitimate companies. This includes their name, contact information, school, and age. This goes for texting, email, and instant messaging.
- If any of your teenaged children have their own website, blog, or social networking page, check it regularly to see what kinds of content they are posting and to make sure no one over 18 can access it.
- Know what your kids are exposed to online. Many sites, such as Second Life Teen or MySpace, have restrictions on how adults can participate, but some unwelcome strangers will still get around those rules and try to roam online among vulnerable adolescents. Plus, if young people are curious enough, they can get around age-restricted rules and enter adult-only sites, which could expose them to inappropriate content or people.
- Warn your teenager not to post inappropriate photos, postings, or other content that could compromise their chances of getting into school or landing a job later in life. Even gossip or “posed” photos can have consequences if a college recruiter or potential employer gets access to such content.
- If your teenager drives, set a firm rule against cell phone use while behind the wheel, a dangerous behavior even for experienced drivers.
- Know who your children’s friends are online and check their profiles for mentions of drinking, drug use, sexual behavior, or anything else you wouldn’t want your own child to do. Talk with your teen about their friends and resisting peer pressure.
- If you’re concerned about what your child may be looking at online, put the computer they use in the living room or some other common area of the house. Remember that some cell phones allow Internet access.
- Monitor your phone bill if you are concerned about who your teenager may be talking to or texting.
- Set limits on time spent in front of the computer—dangers aside, it’s important for children to take breaks from sedentary pastimes like video games, Web-surfing, and talking/texting on the phone. Too much time online can result in problems like childhood obesity and repetitive-use issues.
- Know what kinds of video and music your teen is downloading and monitor this content for inappropriate language or images.
- Be familiar with how all of your teenager’s digital devices work, including their cell phone or any Blackberry-style device. Visit the social networking sites they visit, so that you know how to find their profiles, photos, friends, and any other aspect of their online life.
- Talk with other parents and teachers to see what they do to check on their kids’ behavior and what kinds of rules they put into play.
Remember, be firm and don’t be afraid to lay down strict rules for online behavior. Talk openly about the possible dangers that go along with the advantages of being online. Monitor their online activity as carefully as you monitor their real life, and let them know you’ll be doing this so that it doesn’t come as a surprise later. While it’s important to establish trust and respect their privacy as they become more independent, you owe it to them to know the potential consequences of their unsupervised online activity and protect them accordingly.
There’s plenty more to learn. For more information, search the Internet for organizations dedicated to protecting kids online, such as wiredsafety.org or the FBI’s Internet-Safety page.
May 4th, 2012 by Nora Simonsen. Posted in Teens Online, Troubled Teen Parenting Tips
